Emotional Abuse

So...

I see myself in all of the words on this page and I want to get better so I am sharing it with you. It is as if the author looked at my life and wrote it down, it totally amazed me.

I am recovering from self harm.

I am recovering from feelings of worthlessness.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

I can get better!

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

Amazing Women

Everywhere I turned around yesterday I saw the most amazing women. I got to help in the Girls on the Run booth at the Women's Fitness Celebration and everywhere I looked and walked I saw strong, bold, smiling, beautiful women. They were in all shapes and sizes. Some looked like they were going to run a marathon on Saturday. Some looked like they were going to cross the finish line very slowly, maybe with the help of a walker or a wheelchair but as they stood in line to pick up there numbers and race bags and as they walked around and chatted with all the vendors and picked up free things and entered drawings their eyes sparkled with excitement. They were happy. Strong...

Happy: emotionally,spiritually, physically, relationally...

I don't feel like I arrived there. But I saw some women that are on the same journey of life yesterday and I got to talk with some of them and they tried to encourage me as much as I tried to tell them good job, thank you for your example, thank you for your courage, thank you for all that you do because you make a wake that other women like me, who are struggling in the water behind you... maybe I can fall into your wake and get pulled along for a little bit, I don't have the strength to swim by myself right now.... Thank you amazing women!

One amazing woman encouraged me again this morning on her blog. She said "If you ever wanted to learn something from mistakes I have made…or pain that I have ever had…that MANY of us have had…….just learn the lesson that everything has a cost….and that a very very good, simple and beautiful way to live is to have a few things that you love…..that you love to do….that you believe in and don’t mind sacrificing for…and that you give all that you have to those things instead of spreading yourself thin and scrambling to pay for things that you really didn’t ever want as badly as you thought you did…..whether those are real tangible things, or emotional things or relationship sorts of things……..This time around, I am going to cherish the things that I cherish, I am going to try harder to pass on the things that are too costly right now….and I am going to make time to love the things that bring joy and peace and meaning……..and stay the heck away from the things that COST me my joy, peace and meaning." Melody

I want to be brave like Melody and the other women that I saw yesterday.

I guess in a way I was brave because I got to talk about the Girls on the Run yesterday with lots of them who had never heard of it. I have a passion for that. It is one of the things that has a cost in my life that I want to give more too. If little girls could learn to be brave when they are little then it would be so much easier to be brave when you are big...

Be Brave, Be wise, Be strong, Be Amazing... I know that if I saw you I would tell you that you already are, maybe you just don't believe it, maybe you just don't know it yet...

Being Home

Being Home... we need money, we need food, we are provided for bare minimum, no extras, no eating out, I have gotten creative with the pantry and stretched the food budget to the max.

We are doing okay, God is providing but I keep looking for work and getting the "another candidate was selected" note. It is discouraging but I keep thinking, well, Jesus must have something else... I have gotten so much encouragement from the Aquatics Instructor who has taken me under her wing to learn the ropes and pass the test in November. But no CNA jobs have opened up.

I want to trust Jesus. I love being home, I love helping my kids with their reading and homework. I love helping with the girls on the run program, I love that I will get to help in the one year old class at our new church soon. Our new church, thank you Jesus, for our new church...

so I am thankful for the free peaches and tomatoes and the basil that I got this week, I am thankful for getting to be home and babysit my grand daughter.

I love being home, So thank you Jesus for everything, even this is so hard, but I love being home...

Doing my Best...

It is okay to be me... that is the message that I got from the Brave Girls post today, thank you Melody! Thank you so much for permission to let go of what I can't ever be and be me, It seems so simple but it is SO BIG!!

It is okay to cry and be brave at the same time

cried today like I haven't cried in a long time...

Total shock, fear, dismay, how could this be happening?

and then this post from the Brave Girl's Club...

don't you dare, don't you dare! don't you dare!!! don't you dare give up now...

Life is hard sometimes—
crazy, mixed-up, messed up.
And there you are, in the middle of it all,
just doing your thing...
being strong and brave and beautiful
like it’s no big deal.

But let me tell you, girl, it is.
Not everyone can do what you can do.
Not everyone can handle things the way you can.
While you wonder sometimes if you’re doing OK...
the rest of us are just watching in wonder.

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord. PS 31:24

from InCourage today