Keri

Hope is a good thing!

2011-12-14T16:19:00.000-08:00

Feeling so much better today! It feels good to be exercising every day and feeling stronger!

I spoke with my Dr. yesterday and she recommends that I report what happened to me in counseling to the authorities over the licensing board. I am worried that he will hurt others and I think he needs help. It will not be easy to do.

I signed up for functional training again, this will be my third week, I love it, it is so challenging and exciting to run from station to station. We watched the cross fit challenge on t.v. and I think about that when I am working out and it inspires me. I am still considering if I could do the roller derby competitions. I could go to a tryout and just check it out!

I am so happy that my Daily mile Santa received my gift today, I sent the Triathlete's Training Bible. I borrowed it from the library and would love to own a copy someday, I am reading the "Toughness in Training" and "Run you Butt off" books at the moment...

I feel ready for Christmas and I am feeling optimistic about the future, thank you Jesus :D

Today's Inspiration!

2011-12-09T08:47:00.000-08:00

The belief in a thing makes it happen." - Frank Lloyd Wright

I am loving Dr. Fernando's Inspirations!

Daily Mile Goals

2011-12-09T04:15:00.000-08:00

I have been logging some of my workouts on the Daily Mile page and signed up for the Secret Santa! It is very exciting, I'm not sure if the person that I drew picked me also or if we all send to different people then who have us. But maybe they will visit here!! HI Santa :D

I have not been consistent about logging all my miles on the Daily Mile page as I have been with the Beginner Triathlete page. I was so amazed when I looked at my log on there last night. I was thinking that I was such a loser with my activities this year, having focused so much on my teaching Aqua Aerobics but LOOK:

2011 totals
Bike:	46h 59m - 691.14 Mi
Run:	26h 21m 20s - 125.9 Mi
Swim:	3h 05m - 9050 Yd
Strength:	4h 35m
Aqua Aerobics:	175h 05m
Aqua Jogging:	1h 00m
Core Training:	1h 00m
Crossfit:	2h 00m
Mountain Bike:	5h 45m
Pilates:	4h 00m
Spinning Class:	30h 00m
StairMill:	10m
Yard Work:	6h 00m
Yoga:	30m
Zumba:	6h 00m

WOW!~~ I was thinking I hadn't done much and I have done alot! I started the Crossfit Functional training last week and I LOVE it, class is today at 11:30 and I want to focus on my running more too...hmmmm....

I want to set some goals for 2012!

Running a few times a week, maybe starting at 20 miles a week goal?

Biking either on my bike on it's trainer or outside, spinning class or the bike at the Rec Center at least 100 miles a week?

swimming laps? at least once a week??

I will not have to be in the water as much now that I have my certification and feel prepared to teach any of the aqua aerobics classes that are offered...

oh and Cross Fit!! I love that class too!

okay, four physical goals for now. I bought the "Run you Butt off Book" I hate the title but I love the book! I want to read the Chi Running book too and try the minimalist shoes out.

It feels good to have some goals. Thank you Jesus for the ability to exercise!

It is going to be O.K.

2011-12-06T14:29:00.000-08:00

The Brave Girls Posted this photo and it is such a blessing too! It is all going to be O.K!

I am very excited to sign up for theThomas Nelson Christmas Devotional. I found it through Melissa Taylor's blog today.

I am also so excited to have my grand daughter here today and get to take care of her because I got a new grand son last night! Baby Max born at 2 am :D

Jesus is so good and I am very grateful today!

out of darkness...Just for today...

2011-12-05T08:10:00.000-08:00

Please pray before you read this post, It is not for the faint of heart...

I confess my sin of wanting to be loved. It is very painful and confusing and embarrassing but I am coming out with it.

So this is what happened to me...

http://www.bbs.ca.gov/pdf/publications/proftherapy.pdf

I fit in several of the things that listed there on page eight. I fit in the "What if It's me?" category on page nine. I haven't even been able to read the whole document, That is as far as I have gotten... I just start to shake and cry.

Please pray for me.

I am a Christian, Jesus will use all of this for good, I am so grateful that I didn't lose my friend Lori, If you read this Lori, thank you for not giving up on me. I think that my attacking her was as a result of my response to his isolating me from others while I was counseling with him.

My Plan:

# 1 to report him or not?

I am undecided about what to do. I am afraid that he will abuse others. Now that he has left his wife and has a girlfriend it is unlikely that he will use other patients or do what he did to me but I know that he is still crudely verbally sexual with his clients. I spoke to another lady that saw him after I stopped seeing him and she told me that he talked about having involuntary erections with her. I have not gone to another counselor, the idea of it terrifies me.

#2 to take care of myself:

medication for anxiety and depression,

exercise,

healthy diet,

sewing again (making Christmas stockings and a quilt for my new grand baby),

reading uplifting books, including the scriptures,( my second time through this year with the DAB!)

building relationships.

pursuing my career: (doing a good and better job at my work, I love my work as an aquatic aerobics instructor and I want to continue to keep my CNA certification).

So...square one, clean slate with you now.

I know I talked to you before about my fear of leaving the house and the self harm that I did to myself. I thought of making an anonymous blog about people who cut themselves or are recovering from abuse but I decided I am going to talk about it here. It is me and I am real.

I can't change the past. I can't fix my mistakes. I know that I trust Jesus to cover my sins. He is the only one who can. I claim the power of His blood. I pray that I will do no harm to anyone by telling the truth.

Behind everyone's mask there is a story. If only we could wear signs like the Brave Girls' blog talked about... If I had a sign on that said "My heart is broken- I wanted to feel loved and I feel lost"

What would your sign say?

"I just got yelled at again, I am trying to do good but I just get yelled at"

"I want to die"

"The pain is too much for me and I want to leave"

"I feel alone"

"I feel sad"

"I can't take this anymore"

Just for today, I am hanging on that is all I have to do, that is all we have to do... Just for today!

I have been getting photos from postitive affirmation websites. Here is one to get us started...

I will accept the things I cannot change and live today:

Be kind to yourself!

2011-11-11T07:13:00.000-08:00

From Brave Girls Club today:

Dear Irreplaceable Girl,

It's funny how we would never, ever in a million years let someone we love believe that they can not be who they want to be or do what they want to do until they are a certain weight, or unless they make a certain amount of money, or live in a certain neighborhood, or have tackled a certain habit or problem. Yet we seem to think it's ok to let ourselves believe that kind of nonsense -- and we wait and wait and wait and hold back on everything we want to do because we don't look right yet, and don't know enough yet, and don't have the right clothes yet.

It's time to start treating yourself the way you treat your dearest friend, lovely. Tell yourself that there's no better time than right now, and that you are just right just like you are, and that it's ok if things aren't exactly like you wanted them to be when you wanted to get started on what you wanted to get started on. And that TODAY IS THE DAY TO START, even if it's just a tiny little start!!!

Ok?
No more excuses. No more waiting. You have this big beautiful life to go out and live, time to do it.

You are phenomenal, and beautiful, and absolutely unforgettable,
and oh so loved.

xoxo

from Second Firsts Today...

2011-10-12T11:20:00.000-07:00

Second Firsts
"how would I know when I Re-Enter my life and I am on a different path that will lead me to a new beginning?"

I respond with "where is the wounded part of you residing?"

Most people look at me with confusion at first. And I am sure you are too.

So keep on reading and you just might be able to take a step ahead of the wounded part of you!

It is so important to go through a certain process that I have used many times.

I call this process The Bridge.

If you could listen in to my coaching sessions you will often hear me say ...

"the day you experienced your loss, you also lost yourself, that person is no longer living."

And I pause, to let my clients take this insight and truly understand what it means.

Most of the times there are many tears, and very often it is very hard to let go of the part of you who got you through so much.

It is almost abandoning your best friend who has been there to wipe your tears.

It takes guts and strength to utter these words to my clients but I have seen such amazing breakthroughs.

The moment we realize that we keep looking for something that will never come back to us, we allow ourselves to stop searching and find peace.

But letting that part of us go, is not easy.

However in order to move forward and re-enter life with new eyes and a new belief system we need to give birth to the voice that is waiting to be heard.

The challenge here is that the part of you that went through the devastating loss survived with a lot of wounds.

These wounds are driving your thoughts and your feelings.

They are telling you that you are hurting and that you are no longer able to do all the things you planned on doing.

I am here to tell you that the wounded part of you is not the whole you.

There is a new you that is waiting to emerge but it can't until the wounded part steps away.

I created the "The Bridge Process" to connect the wounded self with the new self that is emerging.

The bridge can only be seen when you are able to walk away from the wounded self.

There are a couple of important words you need to utter to the part of you that is in pain just until you can hear the new self emerge.

This may sound a little harsh and rude, but the wounded self is standing in front of the door to your Second Firsts and won't let you go through.

You can't even see the door because of all the pain and sorrow.

What is it that you need to say to the wounded self to let you through and find the door to your next chapter?

I Can Be Free

2011-07-25T06:23:00.000-07:00

from Renewing the Mind today:

When it comes to struggling with anxiety, fear and panic attacks, freedom can feel so elusive. After years of counseling, therapy, medication, prayer, fighting, surrendering, and other attempts to get free, nothing changes. Despair and discouragement often follow. It can be very frustrating!

During those times of confusion, the enemy will often whisper into your ear, “You’ll never be free.” You may even hear things that sound biblical like:

This is my cross to bear.
This is my thorn in the flesh.
My suffering will bring glory to God.

There is some truth to those statements, but at the core of those thoughts is this barrier that I will never experience freedom.

It’s just not true. God’s desire for you is freedom. Total, complete freedom. He never created you to suffer, to experience fear, to be crippled by anxiety. Listen carefully to words of Christ from John 10:10:

The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

When you think about crippling anxiety or fear, does it steal, kill and destroy, or does it produce abundant life? The enemy is the source of those destructive things. He is trying to hold you back, to keep you from experiencing all that God has for you. Jesus came that you might have life more abundantly!

Here are some steps to help you renew your mind that freedom is possible:

Believe that freedom is possible

Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “…with God all things are possible.” God is for you, and he wants you to be free. He sent Christ into this world to help you live the abundant life. He died a painful, brutal death so that you can have life. He paid an incredible price for your freedom.

Seek first the Kingdom of God

Sometimes when the fear and anxiety strike hard, we immediately seek a solution to our pain. That’s a very natural response. But, where we often fall short is seeking God for an answer. We turn to counsel, books, education, seminars, medical advice and other sources, but rarely do we turn to God. Matthew 6:33 encourages us to “seek first the Kingdom of God” and all those things that create anxiety in us will fade away. Instead of reaching out to God as a last resort, let him be your first response.

Worship

I believe worship is at the heart of God. He doesn’t call us to worship so he can feel good about himself; rather, he calls us to worship for our own sake. Worship is an act of surrender, and often fear and panic are the result of our attempts to maintain control. But, the more we surrender our lives through worship, God’s power sweeps in and gives us strength. And, worship opens up our heart to hear God more clearly.

Listen with your heart

Freedom comes when we hear God with our hearts. I have heard numerous stories about people who take time to listen to God and when he “speaks”, freedom is almost instant. “Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God” (Romans 10:17). Take time to listen to God. Learnhow to hear God clearly.

Prayer: Father, reveal to my heart that freedom is possible. Teach me how to receive all that you have for me in Christ.

2011-07-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

Hearing the Coach’s Voice

from Melissa Ross Taylor Today

“Come here and listen to me! I’ll pour out the spirit of wisdom upon you and make you wise.” Proverbs 1:23 (NLT)

Devotion:

I was recently attending a soccer game of my eight year old son, Hayden. He prefers to play offense, in hopes of scoring a goal, but on this particular day, his coach had him playing defense for the majority of the game. His coach had recognized that even though Hayden was good at playing offense, he was even better defending the goal as a defensive player. The game was very close and our team was down by one. Everyone was excited and many of the parents were a little vocal to say the least. I noticed the coach shouting to Hayden, “Back up and play your position”. Another adult spoke up saying, “Kick the ball and follow through”. Still another voice urged, “Come on #9, chase that ball, go for the goal!” “Move up”, “Go right”, “You can get it”! The coach was beginning to get impatient and finally said, “Come on Hayden! Listen to me!” I noticed the look of frustration on my son’s face. He looked as if he were about to cry. When the game ended, I asked Hayden what was wrong. He simply replied, “I couldn’t make up my mind who to listen to! I couldn’t tell which one was the coach’s voice.”

This situation provided me with two important lessons – one for my son and one for me. For my son, I explained that in order to discern the coach’s voice, he needed to stop, be still, and look at his coach. I encouraged him to listen to that voice only and learn to recognize it so he could always hear it above the rest. And then, the most important part, to obey his coach’s words. Even though all the others meant well, it was his coach that he needed to listen to and obey. Then he would be a wiser and better soccer player.

My lesson was much like my son’s but with eternal ramifications. How often am I guilty of not listening to my Coach’s voice? In the book of Proverbs, God says “Come here and listen to me! I’ll pour out the spirit of wisdom upon you and make you wise.” So often I get busy…too busy to stop and “come here and listen” to the voice of my Coach, my God, whose voice is the only one that matters. Just like Hayden, sometimes when I do not slow down, I hear many voices. Friends, family, books, television, and others mean well but can never take the place of He who is in authority of me. In Hebrews 2:1, we are told to listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it. In order to listen very carefully to anyone, I must first silence everything else around me. Then and only then can I determine the one and only voice of my Coach.

This situation, an ordinary soccer game, proved to be such an important life lesson for both me and Hayden. I shared the lesson I had learned with my son. I confessed that I had been way too busy and that God was calling me to slow down so that I could hear His voice. I also told Hayden that the next step was for me to demonstrate the truth I had learned by actually obeying God. I committed to guarding my quiet time with the Lord, reading and obeying His Word, and being still enough to hear what He had to say. A story from the Old Testament came to mind and drove this truth home.

In the book of Deuteronomy Moses is recounting the Ten Commandments for all of the Israelites. He needed their attention, so he “summoned them” (NIV), he “called all of the people of Israel together” (NCV and NLT). In other words, he gathered them so he would have a captive audience – an audience that would be sure to hear him. Chapter five begins with Moses saying, “Listen carefully to all the laws and regulations that I am giving you today. Learn them and be sure to obey them!”

Listen, learn and obey. Just as Hayden’s soccer coach called him to listen, learn and obey, Moses called the Israelites to do the same. And our Lord is calling us all to an obedience that always begins with hearing the Coach’s voice and culminates in wisdom. “Come here and listen to me! I’ll pour out my spirit of wisdom upon you and make you wise.”

My Prayer for Today:

Dear Lord, help me to guard my time and focus on what You are saying to me. Slow me down when I get too busy to hear Your voice. I trust You to give me the wisdom I need in this game of life. Help me to listen, learn and obey Your Word. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Application Steps:

Recount the order of your daily schedule. Are you taking time to hear the voice of the Almighty Coach? Evaluate how well you are listening, learning, and obeying His voice.

What life lessons from God can you teach your child (ren) today? Take the time to nurture your children by sharing daily what God is doing in your life and theirs.

Wisdom is knowledge in action. Write down one way that you can put into action something you know that God wants you to do. Then be obedient and do it!

Reflection Points:

Am I spending time with God so I can be sure it is His voice that I am hearing?

Do I seek advice from friends, family, or popular personalities before going to my Heavenly Father?

Are my children learning how to determine the voice of God? Am I taking the time to teach them? Am I showing them by doing this in my own life?

Power Verses:

Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God.”

Hebrews 2:1, ” So we must listen very carefully to the truth we have heard, or we may drift away from it.” (NLT)

Deuteronomy 6:4, “Hear O Israel! The Lord is our God, the Lord alone.” (NLT)

Mark 4:9, “Anyone who is willing to hear should listen and understand.” (NLT)

Luke 6:49, “But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (NIV)

2011-07-10T16:09:00.000-07:00

from Season of Peace:

Renewing the Mind: Learning how to Surrender

JULY 10, 2011 BY RUSS

For those struggling with anxiety and panic attacks, it often feels like we have to carry the weight, fight the good fight and be strong. While all that may sound good, even Biblical, I believe it’s one of the key reasons why we can’t get free. We believe we have to do all of the work.

Does any of this sound familiar?

If I was just strong enough, I can beat this.
If I try harder, I can overcome this fear.
If I can find the right book (doctor, website, resource), then I can beat this.
If I just had the willpower, I can be free.

The problem with these statements is that the burden for freedom is upon you. In fact, believing it’s up to you may be the very reason you can’t get free. Let me explain.

Who does the Covering?

In the Garden of Eden before sin happened, Adam and Eve were naked and unashamed. There was no fear, no sadness, no lack of purpose. Life was good. Everything they needed, God provided. He was right there, walking with them, talking with them and being their God. He was their Source for everything. Then, sin happened.

Once sin came into the world, Adam and Eve’s first response was to hide and cover themselves. So, “they made themselves coverings” (Genesis 3:7).

Instead of God being their sole provider, now they felt responsible for covering themselves. They carried the weight of something that was not their responsibility. Sin does that. Sin makes you feel like you are the one responsible for making things right and getting things done.

Where does the Power come from?

The power to get free from fear, anxiety, and panic attacks will not come from more willpower, more knowledge, nor more effort. The power to get free comes from God and God alone through Christ. As you surrender your efforts and strength to God, he will move through the power of this Holy Spirit to set you free.

“Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit, says the LORD of hosts.” (Zechariah 4:6b).

The power of God happens when we surrender to it. If we convince ourselves that we must be strong and do this ourselves, then God graciously steps aside and lets us try. He’s a gentleman. He will not force you to do something you don’t want. It has to be our choice.

How do you Surrender?

Surrender is not easy, because we are often programmed (from our culture and from our upbringing) that surrender is weak. We are taught that we must be strong, that we are in charge of our own destiny, and that we are completely responsible for our fate. While there may be some truth in those statements, the key to surrender is learning how to let go of control. To surrender, you have to give up control to God.

Here are three ways to surrender:

Learn to focus on today. Jesus encourages us not to live in tomorrow, but live in today. “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things” (Matthew 6:34). If you find yourself worrying about tomorrow, ask God to help you focus on today.
Don’t rely on your own knowledge or understanding. Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.” You don’t have to figure everything out. Don’t lean on your own understanding. Rather, trust God.
Don’t give into the fear. Fear will scream, yell and roar, but you don’t have to give in. Don’t let fear tell you what to do. I have found that facing my fears head on has been wonderful in my path to freedom. “You are a slave to whatever controls you” (2 Peter 2:19).

As you learn to surrender your life to God in Christ, the more peace you will experience.

Prayer: Father, I’ve been doing all the work in this pursuit of freedom, and I’m tired. I need you to take over. I surrender to you. I give you control. Teach me how to completely surrender my life to you in Christ.

2011-07-02T06:59:00.001-07:00

Love this today!

Dear Amazing Girl,

Sometimes the bravest thing we ever have to do is accept a different answer to a wish, a dream, a hope, or a prayer than the one we were asking for, and trust that it is still going to work out okay in the end.

No one is immune from disappointments, and confusing turns of events, and things turning out waaaaaay different than we planned on. Our characters are built, our patience is grown, and our hearts are strengthened when these things happen, in ways that they could not have otherwise.

A lot of suffering can be passed by when we just TRUST that things are working out, even when we can't see how it is possible. So many times we have to travel through the 'rough parts of town' to get to the msot beautiful parts. And there is no other way but through those parts. If you are in one of the rough parts right now, just keep moving. Soon you will see the places that you were headed to when you set off on this journey. If you stop now, you will be stuck exactly where you are.

So keep moving friend. Keep your chin up, keep your thoughts in happy places, keep believing, keep dreaming, keep hoping, keep wishing, keep praying. And most importantly, keep the faith. This is all headed somewhere good!

xoxo from the Brave Girl's Club

Brave Girl, Weary Girl

2011-06-29T07:10:00.000-07:00

From the Brave Girls Club today:

Dear Weary Girl,

You are tired today, aren't you? You are tired of holding up the whole wide world, tired of being so darn tough, tired of being tested in every which way, tired of passing the tests only to be given another one.

It's okay for you to have days like this. IT REALLY IS OKAY. YOU ARE OKAY. LIFE IS OKAY. And everything is going to turn out okay.

Everything is going to be okay, dear girl. It really is. You are going to make it. Please get some rest, take care of yourself, and keep your spirits up. Keep your eyes on the end goal and try your hardest to be patient with life's lessons. You are so wise. Remember that good people have bad days sometimes. Smart people do dumb things sometimes. Bad things happen to good people sometimes. And still, everything is going to be okay.

Breathe in. Breathe out. Take a hot bath. Listen to your favorite music. And TRUST. And then keep trusting.

It's gonna work out.

xoxo

I needed to hear this today, Praying for my Mom, I'm not sure how much more time she will hang on. Praying for my marriage, I don't want to hang on anymore. I'm trying to hold Jesus' hand. Today is a good day to go for a walk and pray and ask Him to help me to trust Him. Thank you for your prayers! hugs!! Keri

Brave Girl...Courageous Girl!!

2011-05-26T06:47:00.000-07:00

from the Brave Girl's Club

walking it out

2011-04-05T20:37:00.000-07:00

walking it out... keeping the momentum going.

I haven't been able to stay out of bed every day, but I am making a little progress and a little is good.

I get to help my friend and her family tomorrow. I ran today and I get to watch my granddaughter tomorrow.

I get to go to sleep now and maybe I will wake up tomorrow and the sun will be shining.

I will keep walking it out.

thank you Jesus.

Super Smart

2011-03-18T13:04:00.000-07:00

Dear Super-Smart Girl,

Did you know there's a part of you that is even smarter than your brain? Did you know that the wisdom thta comes from this part of you will get you through all of life's bumpy roads, and the smooth sailing roads, too?

Your gut -- that deepest place of knowing that's nestled right next to your beautiful heart is the place where your most important thinking should be done. Your brain should be taking orders from your gut and your heart -- not the other way around. You know so much more than you think you know.

You ARE SO MUCH MORE than you think you are.
You are so much braver than you think you are.
You are so much smarter than you think you are.
You are so much more wonderful than you think you are.

So -- start thinking with the smart parts of you. You can never go wrong.

xoxo

"A little bird told me" - your Daily Truth from The Brave Girls Club - www.bravegirlsclub.com

The Anchor

2011-03-17T09:50:00.000-07:00

I love this quote today from Lies Young Women Believe:

“On a day I felt completely and utterly low, I found deep encouragement from Ephesians 3:20–21: "Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen."

Read that again, slowly.

Are you succumbing to depression? Have your emotions gone through the roof? Or do you feel a numbness of spirit that seems to continue on and on? Keep in mind the tremendousness of that verse. God is able "to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think." He can surprise us (and often, He does) with His love and graciousness. Just when we think we've reached the end of God's love, He lavishes more upon us. There is a Hope for the hopeless, and He knows you by name.

There is a certainty we can grip onto with our own two hands; a confidence that we won't be allowed to let go. And at the end, when the waves of emotion have passed, we'll find that our anchor held fast. We'll have "proved that the overwhelming thing does not overwhelm." And then we will meet a glorious sunrise.”

Lent...climbing out of shadows...

2011-03-09T06:45:00.000-08:00

Thinking about Lent because today is Ash Wednesday and wondering if it is something that I could do too...

and then Ann talks about her Journey on her blog today:

"I kneel down by my symbolic journey. I finger the wood of the cross. I trace the back bowed. Jesus will have to do everything. He will have to accomplish it all. I am ashes and I am dust and there is no good in me and I am in dire need and lent has given me clear eyes to see my sin and I am the one broken under all this skin. I can feel the grain of the tree under my fingertips. He is the one going to Calvary. I love Him so much… because His love is the only thing that can save me. This wrestle has made me know it full well. And this failing lent? It is a good Lent because it is preparing me for Easter Joy with the Lent Lament. I am one of the disciples grieving – a life grieving His absence, a life grieving the black before the light, a life grieving death that will hungrily seize resurrection. Lent gives me this gift: the deeper I know the pit of my sin, the deeper I’ll drink from the draughts of joy. Grief is what cultivates the soil for the seeds of joy. She who knows her sins much, loves much, and the road to heaven is paved with the realization that I deserve hell. His rising will be all my joy, because I know it my bowels: He is all my hope. The candle wavers. I know that frailty."

Then these verses in my email from Season of Peace:

"The LORD says, “I will rescue those who love me. I will protect those who trust in my name. When they call on me, I will answer; I will be with them in trouble. I will rescue them and honor them” (Psalms 91:14, 15).

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6, 7).

Could letting go of anxiety be what I give up for Lent? It seems so hopeless to even try. I want to have faith and believe but the panic attacks are so very real. Not something that seem controllable, like not eating chocolate or having a beer...

But if I rested in Him, gave Him each moment... If I trusted that He will rescue me, and pray... would the terrors stop?

It would still be, like Ann has written, a failed experiment from the beginning because it will only be with His help, because of His love, because of His sacrifice that I could even ask Him to be with me, to save me...

Only because of the cross do I have hope, only because of Jesus' righteousness can I even try to give up anything and in the giving up it will still show how unrighteous I am..because I will fail, I have no doubt.

I am glad for the reminder, I do not want to give up sitting at His feet. I do not want to think I can do it, anything, on my own....

Even if it takes panic attacks and climbing through the shadows of terrors to leave the front door to remember Him...that I need Him...

then Lord I will embrace the terrifying shadows as gifts.. I can't leave without you, please be with me.

breathing

2011-03-01T11:45:00.000-08:00

I'm so grateful for Ann's book and her blog A Holy Experience. How simple to think that it is just enough to breathe through the moment, to breathe through the pain. If I could just remember to do it...Please, Lord, Help me to breathe through the pain... feeling so grateful for class today and the work that I get to do. I love teaching, I love dancing and exercising and I love the faces of the participants, they are thriving, they are breathing hard, they are living with me in the time we get to spend together in class... The only joy I have had like it was when I worked at the hospital. There was pain there, striving for life, some letting go of it, I loved helping the patients and loving them. One man I will never forget asked for my hand and said "I know I will see you in heaven someday"

Can I work in a hospital again someday Lord?

I want to help the patients and the families live and breathe while they are there...

from Ann today:

"Just breathe.

And I think of it again, how the very name of God, YHWH, “is the sound of breathing.

The holiest name in the world, the Name of Creator, is the sound of your own breathing.”

thankful for Pain

2011-02-28T08:53:00.000-08:00

Thankful for pain? thankful for loss...

Eucharist

the death of Christ thankful for His pain, thankful for the loss that reminds me that this time is just temporary and without His loss of life I have no life.

Grace and Peace?

Lies and darkness and death...panic and anxiety, fear and failure are so much more readily accessible.

Help me be thankful please, just for this moment...

6. For reading time under cozy blankets

7. For pinky hugging promises

8. For scribbled coloring pages and giggles

9. For chocolate frosting birthday smiles

10. For the goal and the training plan and the running that helps me forget for just a little while the heart pain and focus on the finish line

Lies Young Women Believe | Unstoppable, Inexorable

2011-02-25T19:39:00.000-08:00

This is such a beautiful post. I love the image of Aslan portraying the love of Jesus...

Lies Young Women Believe | Unstoppable, Inexorable

Made to Crave

2011-02-22T12:34:00.000-08:00

This video just speaks to my heart, physically emotionally and spiritually!

Made to Crave website is reposting the videos and I love them!

One Thousand Gifts

2011-02-21T15:48:00.000-08:00

I joined the book club but have only made it through the first chapter....

What if we really believed that our God is our Jehovah Jireh, our provider — and in this moment we lacked for nothing, that He has indeed provided everything we need?

so I will start counting today and every Monday... One thousand Gifts, there is lots of pain but lots to be thankful for too:

1. The sun shining through the windows

2. The sun reflecting on the snow in the foothills

3. My son's healthy smiles and that they are back from camp, so excited about new friendships and building the old ones stronger

4. Teaching the shallow water class today and seeing all the smiles on the faces of the participants

5. the ache of missing my friend, loving him and missing him because I am so grateful that he was my friend.

some verses I want to remember:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness" (Jer. 31:3).

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand-when I awake, I am still with you (Ps.139:17–18).

God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins (1 John 4:8–10).

2011-02-20T13:39:00.000-08:00

Six mile run planned today....

and this post from Season of Peace came up and I listened to Marathon Talk's podcast about positive thinking during long runs... I'm sure it isn't a coincidence...

Wired to Malfunction

The counselor looked me right in the eye, pointed at me and said, “You are a Ferrari!”

He definitely had my attention, but I was curious what he meant.

“You are this incredibly, efficient machine, built for speed and performance.” I started to smile. Then he really got my attention.

“But, you’re malfunctioning. Someone has put bad gasoline into you, and you are sputtering along. You can’t operate at the full capacity that you were designed to operate.”

Something rang true in his words. I knew that the anxiety, fear and panic were not supposed to be part of my life. I was wired for joy and peace. I was created for so much more, things like “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control” (Galatians 5:22, 23).

He went on to explain that God’s desire is for us to live an abundant life (John 10:10), and to live that life dependent upon him (John 15:5), not upon ourselves. If we’re not living the way God created us to live, then we will malfunction and experience things like anxiety, fear, insecurity, frustration, anger—those things that we know aren’t right within us.

God loves us so much that he wired us to malfunction—not to just cause us pain or misery, but to help us get back on track to the abundant life he created us for. If my incredibly fast and efficient Ferrari is sputtering along at 10 miles per hour, then I’m going to work hard to find out what’s wrong. I’ll take it to a specialist who can find the cause of the problem and fix it. In the same way, if you’re experiencing fear, anxiety, or panic attacks, ask God to be your Specialist. He sent his Holy Spirit to counsel you and to guide you into all truth.

“When the Father sends the Counselor as my representative—and by the Counselor I mean the Holy Spirit—he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I myself have told you. I am leaving you with a gift—peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn’t like the peace the world gives. So don’t be troubled or afraid” (John 14:26, 27).

Ask the Holy Spirit to show you if there are any lies at work in your life. Lies are always “bad gasoline”. Believing lies are the key reason why we malfunction and start experiencing things like anxiety, panic and fear. When we believe a lie about ourselves or about God, our mind and body respond to the lie as if it were true. When we think a lie is true, it sets in motion a series of painful, emotional experiences. We start to malfunction.

We must recognize the lies and start taking steps to tear them down. We must replace those lies with God’s truth. When we do that, we shall know the truth and the truth will set us free (John 8:32).

Prayer: Father, I know that you’ve created me for so much more. I am a Ferrari, but something is malfunctioning in me. Help me tear down those lies that are keeping me from living the abundant life. Help me to know the truth.

Just this moment

2011-02-18T16:07:00.000-08:00

Suicide... the one thing I really have control over... the thought ran through my mind over and over and over again as I ran step by step by step four miles...

it is so easy a word to say, to think about, to wish for, the end of the pain, the end of the brokenness... but it would just add to the brokenness of my boys, my granddaughter...why isn't Gammie here? why didn't she love me? why did she want to die? Would she ask those questions? I wonder them about my grandfather... Would he have protected me and loved me? Would he still be here now? Would my Dad have been different if he hadn't of died? My grandfather killed himself. He hurt his sons, he hurt my Dad. He was selfish, my father said. He was too selfish and killed himself and left him and his brother and his mom alone. My Dad was only four when his Dad shot himself.

Suicide...

It is morbid to think about and yet so freeing.. the one thing I could control, the time, the place, the way I died...

I just read about a women who is thankful for one more day to take care of her babies. she is dying from breast cancer. Another mom that has lupus is grateful for the babies that she gets to laugh and cry with, clean up or not clean up after... Is this selfish?

I did take care of my boys, I did love my husband, I can't make him happy...

I was so hoping that he loved me, and then I loved him...I believed him but it was all lies again.

Jesus,

The broken lives, death is so close, wars all around us. I could choose the place, the time, the way that I die, but then comes the judgement. Would I be unforgivable for that sin? Is that to deny that I trust you?

I am a Christian...that means that I trust you to cover my sins so that I could be with you someday, why can't it be now?

when I told him that I wanted to go be with you he said "you can't go, I would miss you." But he has her now, he doesn't need me. He wouldn't miss me. I will never get to go to the places he talked about with me. The places he said he wanted to take me too.

It was just words. just empty lies. just to keep me hoping for life.

You gave everything Jesus. You gave everything for all the broken places. I am so sorry I am not thankful, I want to be thankful.

Thank you for the white puffy clouds today,

for the cat that is using my bathrobe as a pad to rub her feet,

for the sun on the snow in the mountains.

That I got to run outside and breathe...

Can you please be enough for me just for this moment? I thought that he loved me and I feel so lost now. so very lost, but I want you, I need you to be enough and I want to let him go.

I can control the time of my death if I do it myself. but would you be in control of my life and the time of my death too? You are the only one who loves me. please love me Jesus... please help me be thankful just for this moment. It is the only one I have... just this moment. I don't know what will happen in the next one.

embrace truth

2011-02-17T08:56:00.000-08:00

Thank you Alison for the reminder to embrace truth and believe HE loves me... no matter what is happening, no matter what the loss, the circumstances... HE loves you, HE loves me!

today

2011-02-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

Just for today I will not go back to bed...

I will work on the baby quilt I have planned, I want to make it soft and fluffy, it is for a baby boy that is due soon...

I will get out of the house,

I will return my library book,

I will visit my friend and color pictures with her daughters.

I will run at least four miles after I take the boys to basketball practice,

I will maybe go to spinning class tonight with my hubby,

I will pray to do more than survive

holding it together?

2011-02-15T16:28:00.000-08:00

So.... Judith died on Sunday morning, I held it together fairly well.

Found out last week that my friend is having an affair and getting a divorce and lying about it... I held it together fairly well...

Feeling sick to my stomach today, yesterday I never left the house except to drive the boys to basketball, maybe I'm not holding it together very well after all.

I rode my bike probably about 18 miles and ran for almost four on saturday, yesterday nothing then today I ran four and a bit over a half.... so, will life always be ups and downs?

marriage crumbling and then there is hope, friends lie and friends die? I don't like it, I am sick to my stomach again...

...Great Studies...

2011-02-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

Wendy Blight just started "Cultivating a Heart of Prayer" on her Blog...

The book called "One Thousand Gifts" is being featured on the InCourage website Bloom book club

Happy Valentine's Day... I will get out of the house today... at some point...

Life Goals

2011-02-06T07:43:00.000-08:00

I have a list...

On the InCourage website...

this was so inspiring, I do have a list of things to do this year. not because I think I can actually do them all but because they keep me feeling hopeful, striving towards them.... I may not physically be able to accomplish them but I want to train, I want to try... my list looks shallow compared to hers now. It is all about physical accomplishments. Races, Rides, Quilts, Books, Tests...

Sara said "look past the resolutions you have made and go deeper" this is her list:

Life Goals:

To not be ashamed to stand before God.
To fulfill God’s plan by living the best life I can with what I am given.
To be aware and present in every moment.
To love what I have and not yearn for what I lack.
To spread the Joy, not the fear.
To be intentional in all things.

Brave Girls note...

2011-02-06T01:12:00.000-08:00

Dear Brilliant Girl,

It's okay to say no. Did you know that?

We can only do so much, and if it is not getting you closer to your heart's most precious goals, if it is not making your most important relationships stronger and more valued; or if it is not helping you grow and making your heart sing, maybe it's time to think about letting it go.

One of the most important parts of flying -- flying an authentic, beautiful life -- is letting go. Saying no. Walking away from things that are distracting you from what is most important.

If you will listen very very very closely, you will know for sure what to hold on to, and what to let go.

You can do it. And your life will take on a whole new meaning.

xoxo

lies with hope on top

2011-02-04T13:38:00.000-08:00

feeling stronger... but it is always there, the voice, actually lots of them, the ones that say just give up, just go away....

But I want to live, I don't know how long that you let yourself be verbally abused before it is enough. He says sorry but nothing changes.

I don't know what Jesus wants me to do.

I love teaching Aqua Aerobics. I am still learning but I love it. I got to teach almost every day this week...The triathlon is tomorrow. I get to teach class tomorrow. I will have a tomorrow. I want to live today, and have a plan for tomorrow every day. It shuts up those G>D> voices...

from A Heart's Cry...

2011-01-31T10:12:00.000-08:00

Ever try to reason with insanity? Ever try to impart God's love and grace upon a person who was only interested in arguing with you and wasn't interested in anything more than trying to undo you?

You remain quiet, waiting for an opportunity to get a word in edgewise while they spew forth their poison; praying silently that God would help you extend His love and give you words of life to speak to this person who is drowning in their own anger and believes you to be the cause of it(THIS time)
That brief opportunity comes, but they aren't interested in hearing anything but the resounding gong of their own voice.

Don't beat yourself up. Exit the conversation as graciously and quickly as possible. Pray for that person, but move on,for you have just encountered the futile task of trying to restrain the wind.

God already told us it would be futile; so why do we shrink away and beat ourselves up over something that only God can do!

Only God can restrain winds and change hearts.

Forgive them for their contention and for making you the object of their hate. Pray for God to give you wisdom in whether or not He desires you to regularly have encounters with them. (That means extended family members too!) Pray that God changes them and lifts the veil of darkness from their eyes.

Just don't let them make you feel defeated; like their problems are YOUR fault. The enemy wins when this occurs.

"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set us free from the law of sin and of death." Romans 8:1 NASB

From a Heart's cry for Home and Hearth

home

2011-01-31T07:21:00.000-08:00

Psalm 56:3-4

"When I am afraid, I will trust in you, In God, whose words I praise, In God I trust; I will not be afraid, what can mortal man do to me?"

the answer? Man can use my body, break my heart, crush my spirit... and he has...

I want to go home and be with Jesus now, but I also want to be the woman that God wants me to be, how do I do that with a broken heart? I don't know how to do it.

I don't feel afraid, I feel tired. I want to go home, I want to feel like I am home.

A little Huge victory

2011-01-28T15:19:00.000-08:00

Focus for the day: Where do I want to go? I am on Jesus' team... where does He want to go?

It's a simple question isn't it... but I don't want to forget the days like this, when getting out of bed, making it and going out of the house, shopping all by myself...This is a HUGE victory... This is a huge, huge victory just for today. It won't always be like this, I might not ever have trouble again with it, maybe in the future it will be the end tape at the end of the triathlon that will be the victory, but I don't want to forget today's victory. Thank you Jesus for today's victory!!

Dear Perfectly Imperfect Girl,

Isn't it wonderful that we all have strengths, and we all have weaknesses? Isn't it wonderful that you can make up for some of my voics, and I can make up for some of yours? Isn't it just fabulous that we can learn and grow and improve every day, and also help others along their way?

Focusing on what we are good at is so important. Focusing on our weaknesses is only positive when we see it as a happy challenge to take on. No one is perfect, and it makes the world a more beautiful place because of the variety and surprises it brings.

You are just right, exactly as you are.

You are on your way to exactly where you want to go, to who you want to be, and to what you are destined to do.

Have a blast on the way!

xoxo
"A little bird told me" - your Daily Truth from The Brave Girls Club - http://www.bravegirlsclub.com

Jesus

2011-01-24T10:54:00.000-08:00

A post from Wendy Blight:

Jesus

Who is this man called Jesus?
Who is this man who willingly endured the wrath of the throne of Rome?
Who is this man who suffered excruciating pain and shame for me?

For the last several weeks, the very Name Jesus has moved me to tears...but why? As I was in worship today, we sang His Name over and over again.
Jesus...
Jesus...
Jesus...
With each "Jesus," tears rolled down my cheeks. Why?

What is about His Name?

He is The Lamb of God
He is The Bread of Life
He is Living Water
He is The Creator
He is The Living Word
He is Jehovah God
He is The Messiah
He is The Savior of the World
He is Light of the World
He is my Strength
He is my Rock
He is my Fortress
He is my Deliverer
He is my Shield
He is The Horn of my Salvation
He is my Stronghold
He is The Living Word
He is The Resurrection and the Life
The King of kings and Lord of lords...the Great I Am!

It is Jesus who...
Created my inmost being
Knit me together in my mother's womb
Lifted me out of the depths
Loves me unconditionally
Forgives my sin
Cleanses my soul
Sealed me with His Spirit
Frees me from captivity
Heals my brokenness
Restores my hope
Turns my wailing into dancing
Clothes me with Joy
Supplies my every need
Comforts my sadness
Heals my sickness
Delights in me
Surrounds me in loneliness
Illuminates my darkness
Brings Hope to my hopelessness
Satisfies my hunger
Quenches my thirst
Binds my wounds
Comes near to me
Promises me eternal life

Sweet friend,
If God feels far from you today...if you feel alone...if you wonder if God even exists...if your heart is broken...if life overwhelms you...if you wonder if anyone cares, or if you love God with all your heart and simply want to know Him more, please pray this prayer with me:
Heavenly Father, Your Word says that when I confess with my mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in my heart that You raised Him from the dead, I will be saved! I believe that with all my heart today. I am Your child. I bow before You washed in His blood, stripped of everything from my past. I live life as a new creation. I open the door of my heart to You. I trust You with every question, every hurt, and every doubt. Bring the Truth of Who You are before my eyes and make Yourself real in my life. Help me experience the fullness of Your Son Jesus in my heart. I surrender every part and hold nothing back. You alone are LORD of my life. You are my All in All. Father, unleash the fullness of Your power in me. I trust You at Your Word that You will do exceedingly, abundantly, above all that I could ever ask or imagine. I ask this in the Name above all names...Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Sweet Blessings to you this day,

Just twelve hours...

2011-01-13T13:30:00.000-08:00

Bruce Fordyce said this when he was asked about novices runners entering in the Comrades marathon “My only advice is Do It, Just do it, you can do it… you must do it… you’ve got twelve hours and when that gun goes it is all about time management…as long as you promise yourself that that day everything you do will be a step in the direction of the finish and you will not sit down under a tree and if you see a great mate that you haven’t seen since your school days and he wants to chat to you, tell him to come with you, walk with you, “walk with me”, walk all the steep hills and manage your times correctly and you will make it!”

my friend Karrie said "our society teaches us that if we can only have "Blank" we will be what we always wanted and do what we have always wanted to do but the truth is:
"BE... Do... Have..."
envision who you want to be and Be it now today whatever it is...BE IT NOW!
do what you want to do today...DO IT NOW!
and you will find that you have obtained the haves... you will have the hearts desires God has given you... You will Have more than what you always wanted..."

To Be of Use

2011-01-13T13:23:00.000-08:00

To be of use
by Marge Piercy

The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.

They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.

Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.

The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

...YHWH...Your name that is the breathe of life... please hear my hearts cry... I want to be real and walk in your truth...

questions... and answers

2011-01-04T12:45:00.000-08:00

Where did I/we travel?
we didn't go out of Boise this year

What were the most important sermons I heard this year?
The book called Restored.. the DAB notes that Brian gave in mini sermon style

What books/articles did I write?
devotionals for the FCA endurance group

What significant household projects did we accomplish in 2010?
cleaned up one side of the garage, still empty shelves there and lots of stuff to do on the other side

What were the most important meetings of the year?
meeting the family that we are doing small group with now. having my interview and being hired at the Rec Center...

What special friendships were made this year? with our small group families

Which children lost teeth, and how many? none, but Elijah got his braces off :D and Berkleigh got lots of new teeth :D

Who grew in physical stature, and how much did they grow? The twins grew over an inch and are now taller than me...

Who learned to read this year? Berkleigh is recognizing and making animal sounds and words

What diet and physical exercise regimen did I maintain to honor “my temple”? Back on track for triathlon training after falling so far off the wagon and having surgery and gaining weight...

What books did I read? Did we read as a family? Did my children read? I made a list of the books I read on the side of my blog. Finished reading the whole bible. As a family we are reading the Hardy Boys and the Psalms at night.

What Scriptures did my family memorize? We are still working on Psalm 103 and Psalm 19

What loved ones died this year? two babies... Kylee and Tyler's and Bobby and Stephanies... both boys.. Both named Gabriel... Wyatt Gabriel and Gabriel Earl

What were the great personal/ministry/national tragedies and losses of the year? this is a bit too hard right now to list
personal: Mark's stroke, lost friendships and broken promises, the neighbors moving away, the neighbor dying...

What were the great personal/ministry/national blessings of the year? New friendships, hope for a restored marriage, hope for doing a good job at the Rec Center

What were my most significant failures/sins for the year 2010? losing hope in the Lord

What commitments have I made to overcome sin in 2011? to have faith in Him and the truth of His word and who He says I am...

What significant spiritual and practical victories did I experience?

In what tangible ways did I communicate gratitude to those who have blessed me and invested in my life? verbally..." I love you, You amaze me, you are precious to me"

What are the top ten themes of 2010 for my family? starting again to try and let the life support be Jesus

My notes from Slimsisterpro.com

2011-01-02T11:02:00.000-08:00

wieght loss trinity: 1)Why do it? 2) Nutrition 2) Exercise

1)WHY:

My Failed Motivations to lose weight:
1. To feel better about myself
2. To be liked I will not be fat and ugly.
3. Guilty, bad example, lacking in self control... "I'll be a better example if I was thin"

Mindset needs to be:
God loves me for who I am but He wants me to glorify Him in my body, My temple that He has given me...

Putting God as the center of my mindset: I want to glorify Him in my body,

2)Nutrition:

what I eat
How much I eat
When I eat it

God's purpose for food: Fuel and Enjoyment

Fuel: premium fuel = clean fuel
1. eliminate all processed sugar
2. eliminate all processed foods

How much food = BMR Basal Metabolic Rate... My BRM is about 1900 calories when I calculate it but I am only eating 1500 calories or less because of what my friend told me was a good amount for me...

Five to six meals a day... constantly keep the furnace fueled

3)Exercise

No Guilt...Just Do It!
Don't despise small beginnings and do something Every day...

Here is the link if you want to watch the videos: Slimsisterpro.com

hopeful

2011-01-01T21:44:00.000-08:00

feeling grateful to have found this page:
ScappyBlueQuilts

Thank you Jesus for shining the lights of hope for the future and even just for the next moment :D

Feeling Stupid

2010-12-31T15:38:00.001-08:00

Feeling Stupid..
Stopped my counseling sessions because I wanted to change my appointment time with him and he never wrote back. When he did write back he said "sorry, forgot to reply and deleted my messages" I am forgotten and deleted by the man who knows me best. I haven't hidden anything from him. Maybe that is a bad thing.
Maybe you are not supposed to have anyone that you tell everything too...

I am on half doses of my meds now and stopped taking one of them all together. I start my new job next week, the people that I get to work with are amazing and I want to do a good job. I love encouraging and loving on the senior citizens at the pool. I love helping them. I feel stupid though, maybe I shouldn't have been so hurt, maybe my feelings are wrong...
It goes back to my marriage and past though. It has always been my fault he lied, my fault he got mad, my fault he tells me I'm stupid or bad or there is something wrong with me... my fault

deleted...forgotten... wishing I could take more medicine and the pain would go away... I don't feel like a beautiful girl or a loved girl or a treasured girl like the Brave Girl's say...

So be positive:
I will run a triathlon the first week of february...
I will read through the bible again this year and learn more and understand more of it...
I will study hard and plan awesome workouts for my classes I get to teach and have so much fun there...
I will be a good friend to the people I am so blessed to know...
I will quilt something again and show the two quilts in August at the quilt show in town...
I will live...

This quote meant so much to me today: I was listening to the Marathon Talk podcast and one of the guests said this and I listened over and over till I could get it typed out... It will be not just for a 12 hour race but for a 12 hour day...

Bruce Fordyce said this when he was asked about novices runners entering in the Comrades marathon “My only advice is Do It, Just do it, you can do it… you must do it… you’ve got twelve hours and when that gun goes it is all about time management…as long as you promise yourself that that day everything you do will be a step in the direction of the finish and you will not sit down under a tree and if you see a great mate that you haven’t seen since your school days and he wants to chat to you, tell him to come with you, walk with you, “walk with me”, walk all the steep hills and manage your times correctly and you will make it!”

Beautiful Girl

2010-12-30T19:11:00.000-08:00

Dear Beautiful Girl,

You are more loved than you could ever know.

You bless more lives than you could ever know.

Your life matters more than you could ever know.

Please stop and enjoy this time with those who love you and those who you love. ENJOY every minute of it. Soak it all in.

You are so phenomenal.
You are so absolutely loved.
xoxo

from the Brave Girls Club

My new design and always learning...

2010-12-22T11:08:00.000-08:00

Aqua Poppy Designs are so cute, I love this Blue Bird one.

I think I am making strides ahead... today I am learning that the fear of the pain sometimes outweighs the pain of the action...

I will keep moving forward, I will learn to be who Jesus wants me to be, I will be afraid and I will keep going. And I imagine that Jesus will be proud of me. I love Him even though I haven't seen Him and He is perfect at keeping promises. I'm so glad...

This can't be Normal...

2010-12-21T04:29:00.000-08:00

Normal? Me?? Panic attacks don't feel normal. Wanting to hide, run away or die because this hurts too much...this does not feel normal, the mental battles don't feel normal.

What are you doing God? Why is this so hard? Why do I have to grow? It is hurting but I want to do it. I want to be the woman YOU want me to be. I want to serve YOU, I want to trust YOU, but this is hurting so bad...

Why?? was the topic on the lies women believe blog today, she applied it to singleness but it can apply to anything we are battling or struggling with, mental or physical conditions... So, when we are thinking "What are you doing God?Why?" and maybe He would say to us:

I'm teaching you to trust and rest in Me, the "Blessed Controller of your life," rather than striving and manipulating circumstances to try to make yourself happy (1 Tim. 6:15).

I'm freeing you from your idolatry like you asked Me to, so you can satisfy your thirst anytime in Me, the Fountain of Living Waters, rather than scraping for water at the bottom of broken cisterns (Jer. 2:12–13).

I'm allowing you to go through this painful season so you will have compassion-and comfort-to offer others; so your "life message" that "God is more than enough!" will give hope and courage to those who desperately need it (2 Cor. 1:3–5).

I'm writing your story so people will know it was all Me . . . all My power, all My grace, and not your looks, smarts, or talents (Ps. 46:10).

Normal? ME???

2010-12-20T04:57:00.001-08:00

Two more amazing Blog posts that captured my heart and challenge me to really know and believe I am not stupid, I am not alone, I am actually NORMAL, wow, that is an amazing thought!!! NORMAL??? ME??? no it can't be true!
Other women don't give grace to themselves? Other women struggle with thoughts that they are total failures? The enemy hooks into our hearts in different ways but these women have the same easily hooked places as me, that is so amazing!!

Thank you Kari, thank you Emily

Thinking about Faith

2010-12-16T02:50:00.000-08:00

Here are some notes that I took after listening to the DAB and the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego in the book of Daniel Chapter 3:

Do I trust that my life is your hands, do I truly want whatever you want for me Lord? Can I trust that whatever is happening is right for me? Do I prefer to walk in your way and your way alone? I know that your way will lead to true peace, shalom in my life.

The faith of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednogo is so amazing. The king gave them a way out of the fire. All they had to do was bow, but they said "We dont need to, we can't, or won't try to defend ourselves beofre you, if our God, the one that we serve and trust, is able or wants to deliver us, he will, but if he doesnt deliver us that is fine too. We will not serve your gods, the outcome isn't the imprtant thing even if it means that we are burned to death. so be it, it is his will if we die and then we will be with Him"

Many martyrs said the same things and they burned to death. they went to be with Him.

There are so many layers to trusting God. We need to trust Him. but maybe we dont want to trust Him with our very lives. Do we really believe that He can deliver us and no matter what happens there is nothing that can separate us from Him?

Do we trust that the word of God is true? do we trust that the soverign Lord loves us and that no matter what we are in His care and His grasp? do we trust that no matter what we cannot be removed from His love or from Him?

Real faith is not just receiving from God the things you want. Real faith is accepting from God the things He gives.

Amazing Girl Letter from the Brave Girls Club

2010-12-14T05:20:00.000-08:00

Dear Amazing Girl,

You have done such wonderful things, you really have. You have made differences that you don't even know about, and you have touched lives that you have forgotten about, but that will never be forgotten by the lives you have touched. You have inspired others that you didn't even know were watching and you have taught lessons to others that you didn't even know you were teaching.

Please be kind to yourself, dear friend. Please take this day to see what is right about you instead of being distracted by what you think is wrong with you. Please thank your body for carrying you through your life, and thank your soul for making everything so meaningful. Please see yourself, even if just for a moment, in the absolutely cherished way that you are seen by those who love you, and especially by the One who created you.

You are far too hard on yourself. It's time to treat yourself with the kindness that you deserve. You are just right, you are beautiful. You are capable and you are strong. Your life matters and YOU matter.

Please believe it. You are so loved.
xoxo

Five Things...

2010-12-05T08:03:00.001-08:00

Do the two new blogs that I found and love count??? I am going to count them :D

Gitzen Girl

Soaring to Stillness

I finished the caramel peach jam this week for Christmas Gifts.

I got my pre employment drug screening done and I passed LOL YAY

on a side note I need to study for the AEA certification exam coming up in April. I did get a lot of studying done yesterday in between the twins matches at the tournaments. I need to figure out a way that will work for me to memorize the vocabulary. A lot of it is similar to the CNA exam. There are lots of movenment and physical exercise terms to learn too.

I have logged my diet everyday this week. I lost two pounds when I weighed in on Thursday. and that with the binge on Thanksgiving weekend. Yes... weekend, why just eat too much on one day?? but I still lost weight! that is exciting!

I hope to feel better this afternoon, I'm so grateful for my friends and family. I want to have a grateful heart today!

five cute postcards and my new job!!!

2010-12-05T07:43:00.000-08:00

What a cute post that the Gitzen Girl put on her blog on Friday. I love the five things idea and her drawings for postcards. It is such a blessing to be so encouraged when I am feeling so sick today. I want to make the postcards idea work with the jars of jam we are sending for Christmas. I was hoping to finish the Blackberry jam today. I hope this afternoon I will be feeling better :D

My orientation for the job is on Tuesday afternoon at City Hall... I am a bit in a state of shock, it is just part time, it is just that I wanted it so badly that I can't believe that I am really hired. I just can't believe it!

2010-12-03T02:16:00.000-08:00

Hanukkah started last night... Happy Hanukkah

2010-12-02T04:33:00.000-08:00

From: Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein

"And may your hearts be fully committed to the LORD our God, to live by his decrees and obey his commands, as at this time."
— 1 Kings 8:61

Hanukkah is a time of rededication. In fact, that's what the wordHanukkah means — rededication. After the military victory of the Maccabees over their oppressors, the people immediately began the process of cleaning out the Temple of idols and paganism and rededicating it to God. And whenever a ceremony for rededication was conducted in biblical times, it always lasted eight days — one of the reasons why we Jews celebrate Hanukkah for eight days.

Hanukkah is also an opportunity for us to rededicate and purify ourselves before God. We see this modeled during the dedication service and prayers offered by King Solomon when the very first Temple was completed 480 years after the Israelites had escaped from Egypt.

After seven years, the building of God's Holy Temple was completed, and King Solomon summoned everyone to assemble in Jerusalem for the dedication of this place where God's presence would dwell on earth. But it was more than just a dedication of a building. It was also an opportunity for the people to rededicate themselves to God's service.

Following his prayer of dedication for the Temple (1 Kings 8:23-61), King Solomon offered a blessing for the people of Israel in which he had five basic requests: 1) for God's presence with His people (8:57); 2) for the desire to do God's will in everything (8:58); 3) for the desire and ability to obey all of God's commands (8:58); 4) for help with daily needs (8:59); and 5) for people everywhere to know the one true God of Israel (8:60). And as he concluded his blessing, Solomon encouraged the people that their hearts would be fully committed to God and living for Him.

What a wonderful prayer for us as well! Solomon's requests are as appropriate today as they were in 586 B.C.E. when the Temple was completed. What wonderful verses to read and use in rededicating ourselves to God during this season.

I challenge you to read Solomon's blessing in 1 Kings 8:56-61 and to reflect on each of these requests. Make Solomon's petitions your own as you rededicate yourself to obeying God and doing His will. Ask for God's presence in your own life and for His help in meeting your daily needs. And pray with all God's people that His name and His kingdom will be known throughout the world.

Finally, let us ask that God will help us all commit our hearts fully to Him and that we will be found faithful always.

With prayers for shalom, peace,

I love Rabbi Eckstein's devotional's. I was thinking of how this month I have set goals for myself, I need to begin with the most important though: rededicating myself to the Lord God... I do want Jesus to be Lord of all areas of my heart, spirit, mind, soul. I need His forgiveness and cleansing first before I think of all the ways to dress up the outside of myself... my diet and exercise plan, the way I clean the house or take care of my family. All of those things will come from, extend from How I am doing in my thoughts and relationship with Jesus. I need His protection from the enemy. Don't be deceived continually that the abuse that I suffered in the past was deserved. That it should continue...That all begins right now with asking Jesus to be my saviour, Lord, shepherd, friend, protector and that He will teach me how to love and serve Him, just for today...Let alone the next eight days and the month of December. Thank you Jesus for the reminder it all begins with you. I can't wait to see you someday :D

A message from Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein

2010-11-28T05:25:00.000-08:00

How Long?
November 28, 2010

How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?— Psalm 13:1–2

Read aloud these first five lines from Psalm 13. Can you hear the despair in the psalm writer's voice? Can you feel his sense of abandonment, his angst, his burden of sorrow? Four times in these first two verses, King David cries out, "How long… how long… how long… how long?"

If we are honest, haven't there been times in our lives when we have felt like that? How long before a job opportunity comes along? How long will I be barren, or single, or sick? How long before You make my path ahead known to me? How long, God, before you answer my prayer? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts of worthlessness, of depression, of loneliness? How long?

If we are honest, we know this feeling all too well. Like David, we often feel that same impatience with God. Why hasn't He acted yet? Has He even heard my prayer? What is taking so long? When is He going to act? David often claimed that God was slow to act on his behalf, but even in his lowest moments, David affirmed that he was going to trust God — no matter what.

Indeed, we see David's wonderful affirmation at the very end of this short lament: "But I will trust in your unfailing love. I will rejoice because you have rescued me. I will sing to the LORD because he has been so good to me." How could David arrive at that point so seamlessly, so quickly?

I think part of the answer lies in David's steadfast faith in God. Even at his lowest point, David's faith never wavered. And that came from a lifetime of walking with God, of trusting Him, of taking every thought, care, anxiety, and thanksgiving to Him. David was never very far from the One who could protect and guide him.

I also believe that David found strength as he expressed his feelings to God. In taking his doubts and his questions directly to God, David didn't focus inward and allow self-pity or negativity to spiral out of control. Rather he talked to God about what he was feeling, and as he did, God helped David gain a new perspective, and ultimately, that gave David peace.

When we are prone to despair, to crying out "how long," remember David. Talk to God and see how long it will be before you are singing praises to God because of His goodness to you.

With prayers for shalom, peace,

Truths...

2010-11-28T04:56:00.001-08:00

100 Awesome Things! - Brave Girls Club

2010-11-28T04:51:00.000-08:00

Brave Girls Printouts!

2010-11-28T04:26:00.001-08:00

Oh I am so very excited about the Brave Girls Club printouts!! This is awesome!

Brave Girls Club

I wonder if I would be brave enough to give these to strangers. How would friends feel if I posted them on their facebook walls at random? What if they don't like them or I pick the wrong one to give? I wonder...

Putting my shoulders back...

2010-11-27T13:44:00.000-08:00

"There's something about a person filled with hope...

The enemy always fights you the hardest when he knows God has something great in store.

When the bottom falls out and it looks like you hit an all-time low... when it just couldn't get any worse... You don't know what God has around the corner. That is not the time to get bitter. That's not the time to get negative. That is the time to put your shoulders back and boldly declare: My time is coming. I am a victor and not a victim."

- It's Your Time, by Joel Osteen, p.23

Beautiful Quote

2010-11-18T14:11:00.000-08:00

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
from 'A Return To Love' by Marianne Williamson

Following the 21 day challenge with Rhonna has been challenging, most of my "creating" has been in a word document on my computer. I have ideas for my art journal. I have the paper picked out and the ribbons and some fun lettering and silk flowers. I have cut and pasted onto my document what I want to put on each page but that is as far as my creating it has gone. This is an emotional roller coaster for me. I have good days and days that I hide. The word for the day yesterday and every day for the next few weeks is "Authenticity" I want to be who Jesus wants me to be. I want to be authentically His!

Danny MacAskill - "Way Back Home" - NEW street trials riding short film

2010-11-18T11:00:00.000-08:00

Brave Girl...Authentic Girl... To be truthful and Real

2010-11-13T18:56:00.000-08:00

Today's Brave Girl post meant a lot to me.. I want to take those steps, agoraphobia sucks...just speaking the truth!

Dear Authentic Girl,

It's ok to cry sometimes, you know. It's even ok to completely fall apart for a little while so that you can put yourself back together in the way you are supposed to be together...sometimes the pieces of us get a little bit mixed up and we have to let ourselves fall apart so that we can get ourselves back in order.

And...it's ok to grieve over things that we've lost. It's ok to grieve over people that we've lost and it's ok to grieve over time that has been lost. It's ok to feel a bit of a hole in our hearts where loved things used to be.

HERE'S THE IMPORTANT THING, though. Remember, that you can still do the things that you want to do, and work toward the places that you want to be, and learn the things that you want to learn WHILE you are working through grief. You don't have to wait. Sometimes we make ourselves wait until all of the pain is gone to start living the life we want to have. The time to start living the life we want to have is RIGHT NOW....even if it's while we are holding hands with pain. They really can live next to each other...and then when it's time for the pain to go....you are not left alone trying to figure out what to do next....you are already there....just without the pain.

So....please stop waiting, lovely you. Please stand up and take some steps into the places that you want to be. It's ok if your pain comes with you...it really is. Someday it will feel like it's done it's job and it will be gone.......it really will. YOUR JOB is to just keep moving, and you are the only one who can do it.

You know it's time...stand up, sweet sister.....take a step.
You can do this.

Have a wonderful weekend.
xoxo

Grace

2010-10-26T06:58:00.001-07:00

Studies

2010-10-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

I am following two Studies, Wendy Blight is doing an amazing study on the life of David, and I have got behind on that and on the Mary and Martha study with "Life's not Always Hummingbird's and Fireflies"

More guilt... I didn't exercise this weekend, I felt great on Saturday morning and then woke up from a nap and couldn't turn my head my shoulder and back hurt sooooo badly. So I am behind now in the P90x journey too.... sigh...

But today, the house is clean and baby safe and the Birthday cake is baked not decorated yet and the decorations for the dining area are up and the roast is in the crock pot... and I did my daily bible reading and helped the kids with their schooling today... so, I did some good things mixed in with the things that I haven't done yet...

prioritizing is hard for me. I want to be proud of my accomplishments and let go of the things that are not so urgent and not feel so guilty or overwhelmed. There are so so many good things to do. They all have a cost. I need to choose which good things I need to do and go do them!

Just for today, that is all I have to do!

Love Jesus and let everything else fall in to its place. Thank you Jesus! It is a beautiful fall day, breezy and cool, the leaves are orange and red and falling. The boys have almost finished their school assignments and then they will clean up the yard for tonight's Birthday party.

sore sososos sore

2010-10-08T06:47:00.001-07:00

wow, I woke up so sore! And yet feeling very happy and proud of my soreness... Day two of P90x today, we will see how this goes.

I would like to go to zumba today too, I love that class.

Studying for the Aquatic Fitness test has me a bit overwhelmed but I am trying to take it in small pieces. They said that 79 percent of the people who take it pass... I don't want to be in the 21 percent that don't... but I think "think positive Keri... keep reading, keep reviewing, keep going" and then I feel overwhelmed again... yikes... continuous trying to change failing thought patterns is so tough, so so tough!

LIVE

2010-10-05T12:09:00.001-07:00

I love this blog that encouraged us to teach our kids to LIVE!

Oh how I want to appreciate each moment of each day, every second is a gift!! LIVE!!

OuR sWeEt MoMeNts!!!!

grief

2010-10-04T20:04:00.000-07:00

for Mark and his family

for Bobby and Stephanie and their family

for Kylee and Tyler and their family...

so much loss, death, pain

feeling that it wasn't supposed to be this way. It wasn't God's plan, the depth of pain and heartache, the tears that don't stop, It wasn't ever what He wanted for us. It is not His perfect plan but He will use it for good. He has too, He is perfect, He is Love...

Emotional Abuse

2010-09-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

So...

I see myself in all of the words on this page and I want to get better so I am sharing it with you. It is as if the author looked at my life and wrote it down, it totally amazed me.

I am recovering from self harm.

I am recovering from feelings of worthlessness.

I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

I can get better!

http://eqi.org/eabuse1.htm

Amazing Women

2010-09-24T06:28:00.000-07:00

Everywhere I turned around yesterday I saw the most amazing women. I got to help in the Girls on the Run booth at the Women's Fitness Celebration and everywhere I looked and walked I saw strong, bold, smiling, beautiful women. They were in all shapes and sizes. Some looked like they were going to run a marathon on Saturday. Some looked like they were going to cross the finish line very slowly, maybe with the help of a walker or a wheelchair but as they stood in line to pick up there numbers and race bags and as they walked around and chatted with all the vendors and picked up free things and entered drawings their eyes sparkled with excitement. They were happy. Strong...

Happy: emotionally,spiritually, physically, relationally...

I don't feel like I arrived there. But I saw some women that are on the same journey of life yesterday and I got to talk with some of them and they tried to encourage me as much as I tried to tell them good job, thank you for your example, thank you for your courage, thank you for all that you do because you make a wake that other women like me, who are struggling in the water behind you... maybe I can fall into your wake and get pulled along for a little bit, I don't have the strength to swim by myself right now.... Thank you amazing women!

One amazing woman encouraged me again this morning on her blog. She said "If you ever wanted to learn something from mistakes I have made…or pain that I have ever had…that MANY of us have had…….just learn the lesson that everything has a cost….and that a very very good, simple and beautiful way to live is to have a few things that you love…..that you love to do….that you believe in and don’t mind sacrificing for…and that you give all that you have to those things instead of spreading yourself thin and scrambling to pay for things that you really didn’t ever want as badly as you thought you did…..whether those are real tangible things, or emotional things or relationship sorts of things……..This time around, I am going to cherish the things that I cherish, I am going to try harder to pass on the things that are too costly right now….and I am going to make time to love the things that bring joy and peace and meaning……..and stay the heck away from the things that COST me my joy, peace and meaning." Melody

I want to be brave like Melody and the other women that I saw yesterday.

I guess in a way I was brave because I got to talk about the Girls on the Run yesterday with lots of them who had never heard of it. I have a passion for that. It is one of the things that has a cost in my life that I want to give more too. If little girls could learn to be brave when they are little then it would be so much easier to be brave when you are big...

Be Brave, Be wise, Be strong, Be Amazing... I know that if I saw you I would tell you that you already are, maybe you just don't believe it, maybe you just don't know it yet...

Being Home

2010-09-17T11:34:00.000-07:00

Being Home... we need money, we need food, we are provided for bare minimum, no extras, no eating out, I have gotten creative with the pantry and stretched the food budget to the max.

We are doing okay, God is providing but I keep looking for work and getting the "another candidate was selected" note. It is discouraging but I keep thinking, well, Jesus must have something else... I have gotten so much encouragement from the Aquatics Instructor who has taken me under her wing to learn the ropes and pass the test in November. But no CNA jobs have opened up.

I want to trust Jesus. I love being home, I love helping my kids with their reading and homework. I love helping with the girls on the run program, I love that I will get to help in the one year old class at our new church soon. Our new church, thank you Jesus, for our new church...

so I am thankful for the free peaches and tomatoes and the basil that I got this week, I am thankful for getting to be home and babysit my grand daughter.

I love being home, So thank you Jesus for everything, even this is so hard, but I love being home...

Doing my Best...

2010-09-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

It is okay to be me... that is the message that I got from the Brave Girls post today, thank you Melody! Thank you so much for permission to let go of what I can't ever be and be me, It seems so simple but it is SO BIG!!

It is okay to cry and be brave at the same time

2010-09-02T19:06:00.000-07:00

cried today like I haven't cried in a long time...

Total shock, fear, dismay, how could this be happening?

and then this post from the Brave Girl's Club...

don't you dare, don't you dare! don't you dare!!! don't you dare give up now...

2010-09-01T07:59:00.001-07:00

Life is hard sometimes—
crazy, mixed-up, messed up.
And there you are, in the middle of it all,
just doing your thing...
being strong and brave and beautiful
like it’s no big deal.

But let me tell you, girl, it is.
Not everyone can do what you can do.
Not everyone can handle things the way you can.
While you wonder sometimes if you’re doing OK...
the rest of us are just watching in wonder.

Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who hope in the Lord. PS 31:24

from InCourage today

2010-08-31T07:10:00.000-07:00

Sarah Mae's Blog spoke to my heart today :D

The video called "Lord Save Us from Your Followers" is available on Netflix and I think everyone who claims to be a christian should watch this movie... without LOVE we are..." I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal." 1 cor. 13:1

Duathlon Plan

2010-08-29T08:13:00.000-07:00

so... I have decided to try a Duathlon on September 18th. It is a "short/sprint" distance... 1.2 mile trail run/4 mile mountain bike/ 1.2 mile trail run...

So in addition to the P90x training starting tomorrow I need to be running at least 3 miles without stopping and biking in brick training sessions in the next two weeks. Plus going to Aqua Aerobics class.

I'm excited to get to try it, I think it will be fun. I have never done an off road race before so it will be interesting.

The Mary Martha study is going well and I am trying to apply the be anxious about nothing verse. I am still having those panic attacks/ heart attack feelings but I haven't figured out why. My resting heart rate is better than ever and my blood pressure too, I need to be more aware of my thoughts.

I am working on my Aqua Aerobics training which is really challenging me. I can not remember all the names of the muscles yet. I need to write some note cards I think...

...and the writing class too, I am studying about the parts and chemicals of the brain so that I will be able to write an article on childhood stages of development from a biblical perspective. I think it will help me understand some things better.

Happy Sunday :D

Peace Over Anxiety

2010-08-25T12:57:00.000-07:00

"God knows that only He is able to counter the power that anxiety can exert over our lives. If you are anxious, you are to give it over to God completely, totally, without reserve. You are also to adjust your thinking from being anxious to being grateful, which is quite a shift! Being grateful, however, is a very useful tool because it forces you to concentrate on the good things instead of the bad."

Dr. Jantz

Football has begun :D

2010-08-19T07:50:00.000-07:00

Football practice has started and I love this scrapbook page from Scrapbooks Etc... they have such creative ideas on there. I would love to make a page like this for the twins :D

Yeah.... nothing to do with football but...Oh my I love these flowers too!!! click here for the pattern :D I would like to add them to some quilts or something...

A RedLetter Giveaway :D

2010-08-18T07:45:00.000-07:00

Like a Warm Cup of Coffee is giving away a RedLetter picture today! How exciting! Don't miss entering!!

OH DEAR LORD

2010-08-18T06:50:00.000-07:00

thank you Lysa!

I am a courageous woman, I am a courageous woman, I am a courageous woman... and then all the bombardments "YEAH RIGHT!!" "Who do you think you are?" You are nothing" "You are worthless"

yikes...

Reading the Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World is really eye opening to the pattern of attack that the enemy sneaks over and puts on us...

It so makes sense, the moment we get distracted, "this is bad..." then we get discouraged, "I can't fix this..."then we doubt... "God, do you really love me? How could this happen? How could this be so hard? How could you leave me here?" then the sin of questioning God's Goodness...

He is good, the world is bad, the sin that hurts me is bad, this circumstance is very very bad, but He is good, He is love, He is perfect... Just hang on, Just believe it anyway... and Lord please help me... I do not feel courageous, I feel like going back to bed...

just for today

2010-08-17T14:28:00.000-07:00

I love the pincurlgirls concept!

Oh my...what a difference it would make to have just a few more positive thoughts then those crappy negative ones. I do so much better with the "I suck because..." thoughts than the "I did great with that, or "I rock because..." thoughts...

so I'm trying... I don't have Jen's adorable bracelets but I am concentrating on thinking better, when those, " you are such an idiot" thoughts come, I am trying to counteract, attack, that is a lie, that is not what Jesus would say thoughts...

so today, if I had the bracelets

I would have moved one because I got to make whole wheat and blueberry pancakes for my twins and their friend that spent the night and they were healthy and they really liked them :D

I would have moved a bracelet because I picked four pounds of blackberries today

I would have moved one because I picked a bunch of weeds and got some exercise doing that,

I would have moved one because I finished chapter one and got 90 percent on the practice test (only eleven weeks left and fifteen more chapters to go...)

so that is pretty good for today, that is four bracelets!! I'm proud of myself! Thank you for the inspiration Jen, Thank you for loving me Jesus!!

Twelve Things I want to do

2010-08-16T11:51:00.000-07:00

to learn new things... from Sarah Mae's Twelve New Things post :D

overall goals... study for the test in November, learn the guitar better, read my bible every day...

August- make Blueberry Syrup

September- make Blackberry, Strawberry, or Raspberry Jam or all three

October- learn to make lamb and a real cheesecake for my hubby's bday

November- pass the AEA test, wow I have a lot to learn here! Eleven weeks away... fifteen more chapters to learn

December- make/finish quilted potholders for my family gifts to go with the jam :D

2011

January- skiing on those crazy new skis that they make now??

February- Sprint Triathlon

March-

April-

May-

June- Olympic Triathlon??

July - finish a quilt for the quilt show in August

I'll keep working on this...

Red Letter Words

2010-08-16T11:19:00.000-07:00

Red Letter Words

St. Dimitri's Poem

2010-08-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

Come, my Light, and illumine my darkness.
Come, my Life, and revive me from death.
Come, my Physician, and heal my wounds.
Come, my Flame of divine love, and burn up the thorns of my sins, kindling my heart with the flame of thy love.
Come, my King, sit upon the throne of my heart and reign there.
For Thou alone art my King and my Lord.
St. Dimitrii of Rostov, 17th Century (Oxford Book of Prayer)

thinking of a couple of things...

2010-08-09T14:55:00.000-07:00

Watched Julie/Julia movie last night and so loved it, If you haven't seen it is so wonderful and sweet and for me to know it is okay to just lay down in the middle of the kitchen floor and weep... well, maybe to know that others do, have done, will do that made me feel so much better, I just can't even express it to you!

Next, I am learning at least a word or concept from the glossary a day to prepare for the test in November. I decided to take the Aquatics Exercise Association test and become certified as an Aquatic Aerobics Instructor. I think it fits in with wanting to become healthier myself and have a better understanding of exercise physiology, dieting etc...plus with wanting to help with physical therapy with the elderly, the arthritis class and the low impact class... all the learning might help to get a job when I'm ready to go back to CNA work...

So, I have to practice my self confidence, "I can do it" thinking... I don't like to be in front of people but there were times I took charge when things needed to be done at the hospital. I was confident then and helped when it was needed without questioning my ability... it came back on the day I went Mtn. Biking and I got to help the lady who got injured. I just did it, what needed to be done, I talked through it, I was confident...I would like to just do it, to lead the class, to help people move, get thinner, get healthier, to tell them the movements to music, I think I could do that and I think I could smile and have fun doing it, It would be a part part part time job, just a little bit of money, more for the confidence building and fun and experience than the money...

Why is it that, that confidence can go away in a fleeting moment and leave me flat out laying in the middle of the kitchen floor weeping...

So I will be working on that, and a quilting project for the baby that is coming in the family too, My husband's cousin is expecting :D I got to get some 30's fabric on Saturday to play with, I want to make some pillows for my bed with it too...

Next I wanted to tell you about the wonderful blog I found! and the giveaway and beautiful artwork on The Pleated Poppy! I want one of everything... sigh but my favorite item is the covered notebook if I have to choose, which I did for the giveaway that is going on at the wonderful blog I found called Giving up on Perfect ...

Today, just today, I will be work on just today, how about you?

I want to read this over and over again...I choose to trust Him

2010-08-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

I had an image in my head of me, standing on a beach with the water lapping against the shoreline. I pictured a line being drawn in the sand and I knew in that moment I could choose Him, or I could choose fear. But I couldn’t choose both…they couldn’t coexist together.

I chose Him.

I chose to believe in God just as much as I believed in my mother’s words when I was a scared little girl.

I chose to trust Him.

Recently, I’ve been asked by many people how I can do that. How can I trust someone, even if that someone is God, when I know that He could have spared me from all of this? How can I trust a God who allows hurt to happen when He has the power to take it all away?

My answer: God fixes what is broken. I trust Him to fix my broken places.

But you can’t fix what isn’t broken.

I don’t believe God did this to me to teach a lesson or to prove a point. There are many reasons I could be sick, and Him inflicting this on me isn’t one of them. But I do believe He didn’t stop it for a reason. Life breaks us sometimes. We have the free will to make decisions that will break us. Other people have the free will to take actions that will break us. Genetics can play a role in making us sick, and that can break us.

I have been through things that have broken my life. And I trust Him to never leave me there. He is the Father who will pick me up when I am fallen, broken, hurt, tired. And He is the Father who fixes me in those broken places. He fixes my spirit, my heart, my sadness, my loneliness. He brings joy and peace and refuge so I am stronger now than before I was broken.

He watched the pieces fall apart, but only so He could put me back together the right way. When life happens and I feel like things are falling apart, breaking into pieces, I just remind myself that He can’t fix what isn’t broken.

And I trust Him to make me whole in the image of His sight, not mine.

As it should be.

by Sara Frankl, Gitzen Girl

and...

the five people you meet at small group

and...

Perfection the thief...

some encouragement...

2010-08-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

From In Courage today:

"All my life I have believed the wrong things about myself.
I have believed that I am not acceptablebecause of what I look like or what I weigh. I have believed that I am not valuablebecause of the talents and gifts that I lack. I have believed that I am not lovable simply because of who I am not.

You, beloved daughter of the King, are made holy.

You are accepted because He is holy.

Loved because He is holy.

Forgiven because He is holy.

Made holy because He is holy."

One of the things that Andrea says is that we should do the Beth Moore study on Daniel... I have such a hard time with Beth Moore studies, am I the only one that starts them and never finishes? and all the questions, it gets discouraging if I am not held accountable and I don't know if I could go to another bible study and get crushed by the gossip and general unloveliness again...

Toughness Training

2010-08-06T07:11:00.000-07:00

wow, I started reading the library book "The New Toughness Training for Sports" there are just too many things I want to re read and highlight in this book so I am buying it from Amazon. I think it is well worth the ten dollars. I am excited to receive it next week :D

The Tuesday Club Murders

2010-08-03T10:56:00.000-07:00

Another Agatha Christie book finished, this one was very fun, a group of people, including Miss Marple, get together and tell mystery tales to each other to see who can come up with the proper solution. Of Course Miss Marple is the only one who can always get the answer correct... Lot's of fun to read and nice to have the stories broken up in to short chapters.

Books I have read this year

2010-07-31T16:25:00.000-07:00

I added a list of the books I have read so far this year, it has occurred to me that after I read them I should write what I thought of the book. I just finished "They went to Baghdad" by Agatha Christie, I loved it! Veronica was the main character and she is a lovable young woman who has the bad habit of being a compulsive liar. She ends up it the midst of a post World War II International scheme of communists verses the free world. It was very witty and exciting too!

2010-07-30T15:40:00.000-07:00

I heard this prayer today and just thought it was awesome to say before we read our Bibles:

This is my Bible

I am what it says I am

I have what it says I have

I can do what it says I can do

Today I will learn the word of God

My mind is alert

My heart is receptive

I will never be the same

In Jesus' name, Amen

2010-07-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

A prayer from Wendy Blight...

Today, I pray on Your armor.

Father, strengthen me with Your Helmet of Salvation…the Mind of Christ… so that I can stand against worldly thinking and the lies of the evil one.

Father, cover my heart with the Breastplate of Righteousness. Thank You that Jesus defeated the power of sin at the cross and forgave me of all unrighteousness. Jesus died for me sins; He covered me with His blood, and He made me righteous in Your eyes. There is no greater gift!

Father, gird me with the Belt of Truth. I believe with all my heart that Your Word is Truth and it is that Truth and that Truth alone that sets me free. I choose to believe Your Truth and reject the lies of the evil one. I stand against his temptations, his deception, and his accusations. I only want to hear Your voice.

Father, I put on the Shoes of the Gospel of Peace. Make me ready to march into any battle set before me. Fill me with Your peace and help me live in peace with everyone. I choose to be an instrument of Your peace, and I stand ready to give an account for the faith I have in You today. I choose to always forgive and not harbor anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in my heart.

Father, I hold up the Shield of Faith. I trust and believe You at Your Word that You are the King of kings, the Lord of lords, the Great I AM. You alone are the Author and Perfecter of my faith. I trust You to meet all my needs. I do not have a spirit of fear…but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Finally, Father, I take up the Sword of the Spirit. Jesus is the Word of God living in me. I am Your child. I am filled with Your Spirit. I choose to live my life according Your Word. I choose to believe TRUTH over lies. Pour out Your Truth and Your Spirit over my life. Fill me with all wisdom and understanding. I choose this day to serve You and You alone.

Thank You, Father, for Your mighty weapons. Thank You that You have already won this battle. Thank You that in You I am a VICTOR. Thank You that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Thank You that You who live in me is greater than he who lives in the world. Today I live in complete and utter dependence on You and You alone. Father, fill me with the fullness of Your Spirit. Father, use me to do Your Kingdom work. Father, show me Your Glory!!! I ask all this in Jesus’ Name. AMEN.

What would change?

2010-07-24T11:27:00.001-07:00

If I really believed all that I wrote yesterday... How would my life look different? Am I a witness for Jesus to everyone that I talk too? Everyone who knows me or who I come across every day?

I want to believe in Romans eight... to be truly the woman that God created me to be, I want to believe that I am more than a conqueror, that Jesus is for me and that nothing can separate me from His love, that He wants to be my savior, my counselor, my helper. How amazing that thought is...

I got to go Mtn. Biking today and got to help a lady who got hurt when she crashed. It felt amazing to have confidence to help her, I miss my CNA job...

from InCourage today...

2010-07-23T18:11:00.000-07:00

InCourage Today:
I can't remember where I read these words. But they impacted me so much, I jotted them down on the back of a receipt and held them close.

What I want my children to know:

They were created by God.

They aren't an accident or an afterthought.

They were created for a special purpose.

God has a divine plan for their lives.

God has gifted them with unique abilities to see His purpose fulfilled.

I wanted to rewrite this and really try to believe it, to know it for myself too:

I was created by God, I am not an accident or an afterthought, I was created for a special purpose,God has a divine plan for my life, god has gifted me with unique abilities to see His purpose fulfilled... Can you say this is true for you too? Do you believe it? Do you know it deep in the innermost depths of your heart?

fitness

2010-07-23T04:56:00.000-07:00

Recovering from surgery has left me thirty pounds heavier than before. I am trying to get back up to speed with my exercise regime, I still dream about the Ironman, but I don't think I will be doing any competitions this year. The Dr. said six months before energy levels return to normal.

I am inspired by two things today: Jen fit's blog and the wonderful article on hip muscle pain. My pain is due to adhesions as a result of scar tissue I think... I got a coupon on the door for a massage therapist in town yesterday and feel as though it is not a coincidence to go and talk to them and have the information Jen gave as a strengthener to go and get a massage....Also inspiring is the protein bakery, I think I can come up with a cookie for the competition, I have an idea and am ready to experiment :D

Today my goal is to ride thirteen miles on the road bike and go to the deep water aerobic class. If I can make it to zumba I will go, it starts right after the water class, I don't know if there is time in between to dry off and change.... My friend invited me over this afternoon to visit too, busy day but I am looking forward to it.

The Truth

2010-07-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

"Our only hope is to realize that our value is not determined by what we do or who we are or even how others see us, but simply by how God views us.

Here’s just a taste of what He says about you:

* I chose you before the world was created (Ephesians 1:4)
* I made every part of you and I call you wonderful (Psalm 139:14)
* I loved you before you could love me back (1 John 4:9)
* I loved you enough to die for you (John 3:16)
* I have always loved you and will always love you (Psalm 103:17).
* Others may reject you, but I will not (Psalm 27:10).

The next time you are tempted to let the expectations of others define you, give yourself a heavy dose of Truth! God loves you deeply. That has always been true and will always be true. Study His Word and learn His expectations for your life. Let Him define who you are."

from Erin Davis

2010 Long Walk

2010-07-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the DAB long walk and I did it for the first time. I have been following all year it is very exciting for me, I have never read through the whole Bible before. I did not go for a walk by myself but with my sons and my friend and her daughters. We had a picnic and took a long walk along the Boise River. I could not find the camera so no photos. Talking with my friend was such a joy. We talked about Jesus. What it means to be the woman that He would want us to be. We cried and we laughed and we played with the kids and enjoyed the beauty and walked alot :D

Some of the stories from the long walk can be found here. I happened to click on the link from one gentlemen who took photos of his walk in England. Here is one of the photos. So beautiful. Thank you Jesus for your creation, especially the sound of the water, the green everywhere, and for the tiniest to the largest animals... You are amazing God!

Independence Day

2010-07-04T13:55:00.000-07:00

The only constant in life is change...

I'm not sure who said it but I am living it. I am letting go of all those from my old church, and all who did not help but gossiped, who did not love but stabbed me. I forgive them totally completely, I have nothing that I require from any of them. I am leaving them behind and letting go. They can do as they wish, say what they want, it is none of my business what they think of me. This is my goal for today. I am cleaning up my email and friends lists. I will focus on the next right thing to do for me today and what God has called me to do today for my family. I will live today, free in the knowledge that it does not matter what men can do to me, I only desire to serve Jesus in all that I am.

Forgiveness

2010-07-02T20:48:00.000-07:00

I got stabbed in the heart and ripped open today... I remembered this posted a few days ago,

so I have been thinking over and over forgiveness is not quitting...Forgiveness is not quitting it is not weakness, it is strength... not forgiving will just hurt me, not them, they are not affected by what they have done to me. I can choose to forgive and be free... Jesus help me please!

from the Brave Girls Club:

Ephesians Bible Study

2010-06-24T11:05:00.000-07:00

Another great bible study from Wendy Blight... Unfortunately I am already a week behind because the notice that it had started ended up in the spam folder but I really want to get caught up and do it with her...

Things I need to do but am dreading today: Renew my CNA liscense, this means going to my former employer for a signature, It was painful leaving there, I don't want to go back, so that is why it is hard for me to go I suppose, but the sooner I get it over with, maybe the better...

2010-06-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

This is such a cute scrapbook page I wanted to share the link of the patterns with you so you could make one too :D

I hope to use it with some of the kids photos when they get back from Alaska...

It is from Scrapbooks etc...

How to Forgive

2010-06-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

1. Be a Screen Door

Like the wind blows through a screen door, let blustry comments, stormy blasts just blow right past. Incidents can only hit hard if you have your front door closed. But having a screen door policy allows all the pain to blow by....

2. Only Believe the Best

When you believe that everyone is always just doing their best, that we never war against flesh and blood but against the principalities, that in light of their own limitations, they truly are doing their best... this changes everything. Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things and whatever is good and pure and lovely, think on these things.

3. Tell the Thankful Truth

The truth is, there is always something, a lot, to give thanks for and that is the truth about every single parent. Consider offering a father, a mother, the gift of a jar full of slips of paper with your gratitude and thankful memories jotted down. This kind of grateful truth-telling heals the old wounds.

20 Little Attitudes  of Gratitude

2010-06-23T06:45:00.000-07:00

20 Little Attitudes  of Gratitude

Mind your manners. Say please, thank you and excuse me.
Smile when you see your family. Turn your frown upside down.
Pick up after yourself and for someone else too. Be happy you have someone to pick up after!
Notice when others do kind things for you, show gratitude by action or words.
Say I love you before you leave in the morning and before bed at night.
Give hugs daily.
Don't worry about tomorrow. Focus on what you are happy about today.
Create gratitude journals to keep track of daily blessings.
Show thankfulness for even the little things others do for you.
Leave love notes in unexpected places like lunch boxes and under pillows.
Encourage someone with a compliment.
Verbalize what you are grateful for when you feel like complaining about life.
Keep a basket of small slips of paper on the table. Write notes of thankfulness during the week and read them to each other during a family meal.
Remember to thank God for blessings each day.
Surprise your family (or friends) with little gifts or treats to show you thought of them.
No grumbling about minor annoyances around the house.
Do special things to cherish time with your family. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
Reflect on happy memories regularly. Make inspiration boards or photo walls of special times.
Help someone out without them having to ask you. Watch for someone in need.
When you are doing household chores, be grateful you have a home to clean.

Father's Day

2010-06-20T15:39:00.000-07:00

Today on DAB, Brian, the host, played this beautiful song, thank you so much Father in Heaven...

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon a cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Keri

Hope is a good thing!

Today's Inspiration!

Daily Mile Goals

It is going to be O.K.

out of darkness...Just for today...

Be kind to yourself!

from Second Firsts Today...

I Can Be Free

Believe that freedom is possible

Seek first the Kingdom of God

Worship

Listen with your heart

Hearing the Coach’s Voice

from Season of Peace:

Renewing the Mind: Learning how to Surrender

Who does the Covering?

Where does the Power come from?

How do you Surrender?

Brave Girl, Weary Girl

Brave Girl...Courageous Girl!!

walking it out

Super Smart

The Anchor

Lent...climbing out of shadows...

breathing

thankful for Pain

Lies Young Women Believe | Unstoppable, Inexorable

Made to Crave

One Thousand Gifts

Wired to Malfunction

Just this moment

embrace truth

today

holding it together?

...Great Studies...

Life Goals

Brave Girls note...

lies with hope on top

from A Heart's Cry...

home

A little Huge victory

Jesus

Just twelve hours...

To Be of Use

questions... and answers

My notes from Slimsisterpro.com

hopeful

Feeling Stupid

Beautiful Girl

My new design and always learning...

This can't be Normal...

Normal? ME???

Thinking about Faith

Amazing Girl Letter from the Brave Girls Club

Five Things...

five cute postcards and my new job!!!

Hanukkah started last night... Happy Hanukkah

A message from Rabbi Yechiel Eckstein

How Long?November 28, 2010

Truths...

100 Awesome Things! - Brave Girls Club

Brave Girls Printouts!

Putting my shoulders back...

Beautiful Quote

Danny MacAskill - "Way Back Home" - NEW street trials riding short film

Brave Girl...Authentic Girl... To be truthful and Real

Grace

Studies

sore sososos sore

LIVE

grief

Emotional Abuse

Amazing Women

Being Home

Doing my Best...

It is okay to cry and be brave at the same time

Duathlon Plan

Peace Over Anxiety

Football has begun :D

How Long?
November 28, 2010

20 Little Attitudes  of Gratitude